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We've had 22 months of off and on struggles. We hit a good patch and thought we were in the clear finally, then comes colds, teething, vacations and what had seemed like 2 good steps forward has taken us 100 steps back.

Our girl spends 8 to 9 hours a day in daycare. She generally naps very easily there anywhere from 90 minutes to 2.5 hours.

Bedtime is a whole different story. She fights going to bed and if she does fall asleep (which is not unassisted as we must be in the room until she falls totally asleep) she'll either wake at 2 am for 2 to 4 hours or will wake up at 5 am and never fall back to sleep.

Despite how we feel about it, we're doing CIO based our pediatricians recommendations. Her crying has decreased but she is still waking in the middle of the night and wakes for the day tired/cranky and mentions to us that "mommy and daddy close the door" so she has an obvious issue with the whole CIO being alone thing. She's not the kind of child who has ever played by herself. When we leave her to cry she'll throw any object out of her crib and if she stops crying, she's tossing and turning for hours (video monitor).

We're exhausted and I know she must be. I've done the math, she sleeps (on a good night which means no waking, which is rare) 8 to 9 hours with the 2 hour nap during the day. When we try and put her to bed early we're met with struggle.

Right now we start our bedtime routine around 7pm but generally it is 8:45 by the time she falls asleep. If she isn't up already, she needs to be up by 7 am for our routine to get to daycare on time.

Any suggestions? What are we doing wrong? I feel so awful because she just seems like she wants to spend time with us and I can't say I blame her since she is in daycare so much.

Thank you Kimberly.

She gets just one nap a day. According to daycare she can go down anywhere between 12:13 and 12:40 pm and sleeps 90 minutes to 2 hrs, the latter being the average.

Bedtime routine is get into jammies, sit with a sippy of milk and read books. She adores books and sitting on our laps and reading so we'll do that for a long time. Then, we read the same book last (to indicate sleep is coming), turn out the lights (night light is on) and turn on the ipod that plays 2 songs that used to relax her followed by wave sounds for the rest of the night. We generally lay her in her crib when the 2 songs come on and either rub her back or give her a blanket etc. Lately, she has been fighting right at this moment, popping back up and saying "no sleep" whereas before she'd actually TRY to settle in but cannot. We can't leave the room. If we leave crying immediately starts.

No developmental milestones. She's a verbal child. Talks well and understands well. She had colic as an infant.

We USED to handle the night wakings but going in and trying to either snuggle or rub her back to settle her back down. She isn't interested in playing during this time, just does not want to be left alone. She'll let you hold her but she'll never fall back to sleep. Sometimes she makes up excuses like her "diaper" or that she wants to hold your hand but all of which does not result in her going back to sleep. Now when she wakes in the middle of the night we go in, point to the clock and tell her it is not wake up time, it is still night night time and to go back to sleep. We'll try to settle her down and then we tell her we love her and that it is time for sleep and that we'll see her in the morning and we shut her door to which she then screams, cries and tosses all blankets and animals out of her crib. Crying can last anywhere from 5 minutes to 2 hrs and she if she stops crying, she tossing and turning a lot.

I will take a look at that link you provided thank you. Yes, we don't really LIKE CIO because we don't want to ignore her which is what it seems like we're doing. I also think it backfires because she becomes more clingy during the daytime.

Thank you Kimberly. I am looking into that Good Nite Lite thinking perhaps it might help. We're also reconsidering the music/noise machine. I tend to keep it because we have a small, thin walled home that is VERY noisey and she's always been a light sleeper in that regard. For example, flush the toilet and the pipes run along her wall and that will wake her.

I 100% thinks she has anxiety when she wakes and does not want to be alone. She wants us to hold her hand when she tries to go back to sleep but she grips it so tightly you can't really let go w/o waking her. We have a lovey but she is no longer interested in sleeping with anything. In fact, upon waking in the middle of the night, the first thing she does is stand up and throw all blankets and stuff animals out of the crib and onto the floor.

I have told daycare to not let her nap past 2.5 hours but even on days when she only naps an hour at daycare we have rough nights and days when she naps long she has rough nights. There does not seem to be any sort of pattern really. She comes home from daycare tired, but then immediately perks up upon entering the home and in the evening. She has amazing stamina.

Nights when she does seem overly tired, i.e. yawning during our book time and quite early compared to when she would normally go down . . . it isn't any easier. I would try sometimes to jump on the yawning aspect and put her down soon after but it results in me having to be by her crib for an hour while she drifts off. Currently, it seems that 9pm is her "fall sleep" time no matter how tired she is but it still take 45 minutes to a hour of sitting in the room with her, by the crib, to get her to drift off.

I will try the sticker incentive but I don't think it would really register with her just yet. Last night was ugly. She woke up at 3 am and would not go back to sleep. I was so upset I even let her cry a long time, something I hate to do, and was not a nice mommy and consequently am paying the price in mommy guilt today.   I just really think it is absolutely hopeless for us.

Thanks Miriam.

We have good nights and bad nights but she is steadfastly attached to having SOMEONE in the room with her while she drifts off . . . and that person cannot be seated. Go figure.

Thanks Kimberly. We're continuing to work on it. I got that night light you recommended and she LOVES it! I can't say it works but she's adores it and kisses the moon each night it comes on. Unfortunately, no matter how tired she is, she has to wait until it comes on! LOL I have it set to a "normal" bedtime for her but you know how just some days they should go down earlier . . . she can't until she sees the moon! ha

I have been in communication with Nicole as well and we're working on leaving her for 5 minutes but reassuring her that we are returning and we in fact DO return in 5 minutes. Our problem lies in that sometimes she crashes before we can do the 5 minute re-tuck and sometimes not. There is no consistency.

She is verbal and I am trying to talk to her about sleep being good. I think maybe working with putting one of her "babies" to sleep might help too. Good idea about the book. We have a lot night time books but none that really relay the message that sleep is "ok" and good for her etc.

A friend also suggested she might be ready for a big girl bed but Nicole said that might open up a whole other can of worms!