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Separation Anxiety affecting Nighttime Sleeping?

UserPost

11:33 am
September 25, 2009


khasselj

New Member

posts 2

Hi,

My 12 month old has been doing quite well with her sleeping (thanks to Nicole!!), and we had her down to a good routine.  Goes down at 8pm, wakes about 6:30/7:00am, with one 2 hour nap during the day (at daycare). 

Then literally, within a week, everything changes.  She will NOT go down in her crib at all when we first put her down.  We used to put her right down, drowsy but awake, and she would fall asleep on her own with no issues.  Then all of the sudden she started freaking out and SCREAMING, jumping up and down in her crib when we put her down!  We thought it was a random thing for a night or two, but nope – it's been going on for about a week straight.  So we have caved and now I bring her into our bed, lay down with her while she falls asleep (not in my arms, but on the bed next to me) for about 10 mins, then transfer her to her crib where she'll usually stay asleep until the morning. 

But this can NOT continue! LOL.  Any suggestions?  She has recently started exhibiting more separation anxiety at daycare too – which never was an issue before.  When I leave the room now, she freaks out (not super bad, but cries and attaches to me like a little monkey). :) 

Thoughts?  I'm hesitant to try the CIO now, since it seems like the same method we used when she was 6 months SOO won't work now.  She's too smart for that.  ;)

Thanks!

7:08 am
September 29, 2009


Nicole

Admin

posts 27

Post edited 1:08 pm – September 29, 2009 by admin


Hi there,

I actually don't think 10 minutes is that bad! LOL It does sound like separation anxiety and most likely a phase, but phases can become long-term habits, too. Try staying with her, but in her room and then slowly you can start to leave before she is all the way asleep. This way she falls asleep where she will remain the rest of the night and doesn't start waking more often to come back to bed with you. I would not do cry-it-out if she is feeling uneasy because of separation. You want to give her the reassurance that you are there for her.

Good luck! Hope this helps!

Take care,

Nicole

8:58 pm
October 6, 2009


khasselj

New Member

posts 2

Thanks!  Unfortunately, things have gotten worse.  We're going on over two weeks now, and when we transfer her from our bed to hers, she wakes up a couple of hours later freaking out and won't go back down.  So she's sleeping with us and it's just not working out (we totally did cosleeping when she was younger so I'm all for that, but not when they get older and start kicking and hitting you all through the night!! ugh).

We're trying to put her down drowsy and then stay with her in her room until she falls asleep, but so far she just stands there looking at us screaming with her arms reaching out for us!  I feel like she thinks we're ignoring her and that it might be making things worse. 

Also, wondering if it's better or worse for both mommy and daddy to be in there at the same time, or just one of us?  I was just sitting in the glider, reassuring her it was OK, and shh'ing her, but then my husband wanted to be part of it too, so he came in and sat with me.  Do you think this might be more confusing for her?

Thanks for any advice or thoughts anyone might have!!!

Kim

10:41 am
December 20, 2009


chlobug

Member

posts 6

khasselj said:

Thanks!  Unfortunately, things have gotten worse.  We're going on over two weeks now, and when we transfer her from our bed to hers, she wakes up a couple of hours later freaking out and won't go back down.  So she's sleeping with us and it's just not working out (we totally did cosleeping when she was younger so I'm all for that, but not when they get older and start kicking and hitting you all through the night!! ugh).

We're trying to put her down drowsy and then stay with her in her room until she falls asleep, but so far she just stands there looking at us screaming with her arms reaching out for us!  I feel like she thinks we're ignoring her and that it might be making things worse. 

Also, wondering if it's better or worse for both mommy and daddy to be in there at the same time, or just one of us?  I was just sitting in the glider, reassuring her it was OK, and shh'ing her, but then my husband wanted to be part of it too, so he came in and sat with me.  Do you think this might be more confusing for her?

Thanks for any advice or thoughts anyone might have!!!

Kim


I am having the same problem, I am afraid I've started a sleep association over the past week, and now she needs me to hold her for her to fall asleep.  Or else she's teething, but I have no idea, I don't remember her being llike this 3 months ago when her bottom teeth came through. 

Your last post was a while ago, can you give me an update since I'm currently going through something similar? Thanks!

7:19 pm
April 27, 2011


Chant

Northern Canada

Member

posts 11

Hey moms/dads,

I'm replying to share my experience, but would definetly be interested in knowing on how these posted situations turned out, too bad "we" forget to go back and update people! So for us, our son is now 11 months. He peirced his 4 from teeth between 10-11 months, and figured out how to drag, then crawl, pull and stand and roll over like a mad man in his crib. Our once wonderful naps and night time routine went out the window. I was now the queen of swaddling, which worked for his "difficult" time, I guess he needed the extra soothing and comfort, since it was only once in a while, and then progressively went to every time. That's when we pulled the plug. We were never proponents of the CIO, but now at 11 months, he's smart enough to figure it out on his own with our support. So every 5 minutes (nothing before unless your gutt tells you to get in there) we go in and lay him down (vs power struggling with him to lay down and go to sleep). We let him do his thing , and he lays down when he's ready and goes to sleep, and sometimes it takes 30 minutes, sometimes 10.

 

Now he started showing signs of seperation anxiety so we'll have to be vigilant of that and reassure as much as he needs us to with being consistent on helping him going to sleep on his own (i.e. if he freaks out, stands and bounces in his crib holding on to the rails or reaching his hands up to me, I'll pick him up, calm him, then put him in a craddle position reassuring him, and distract his attention to soothing lights or sounds and then when he starts showing the signs of sleepiness I lay him in his crib, tuck him in and walk out and we're back at square 1 if we need to be).

 

I can count on two hands the amount of times we brought him to our bed when he woke at 4:30-5am and wouldn't go back down, and that worked too. If we need to do it again, we'll do it.

I think the key thing is "everything is good in moderation". And for sure, everything is a phase; you'll soon be baffled by something else and think that this phase was @$%#@ all! Scuse my french :) Good luck everyone

4:30 pm
April 30, 2011


Debbye

lake arrowhead, CA

Admin

posts 91

Thanks for sharing- You sound like a true pro!

Good luck and best wishes for your next phases!


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