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Hello,

I have a 4.25mo old crying in his crib right now because I'm kinda lost… which is funny becase this is my second child, so you'd think I'd have a few tricks up my sleeve!

He only wants to be nursed/rocked/jiggled to sleep, and this is starting to become an issue with my back because I suffer from a mild case of scoliosis, as well as have recurring pain from a car accident 6 years ago.  This has nothing to do with the nursing, but I want him to stop using me as a pacifier as it really irritates me and makes the experience unenjoyable (which I know can become an issue with milk production).  I don't mind giving him something to eat before he naps/goes to bed, but he wants to go to sleep like that, and if he wakes, he expects to be nursed again.

Unlike others on here, my LO has never really been a "good sleeper" – from day one he's been up every 2 – 4 hours, day in and day out.  Twice now he's let me sleep for 5.5 hrs, which was a God send lol!  My oldest was never a routine baby, he could fall asleep wherever and whenever he needed to, loved the car, car seat, and stroller… and the suckie!  This one – he'll have none of it, which is irritating because he wants to nurse/suckle, but won't take the suckie!  Two completely different children, so my theories with the oldest aren't working so much on the youngest.  I'm trying to get him into a routine – getting ready for bed by 7pm, trying to have him asleep by 8 (but the last few nights it hasn't worked out like that), naps every 2 hrs or so… but those are an issue too (one will be of decent length, but only in the wrap… when at home it's next to impossible to get him through to the next sleep cycle some days because of my 4 year old [he's quiet, but I guess not quiet enough]).  I can't wear the wrap all day because of the back issues – if I wear him, I must stand, and I can't do that all day lol!

I hope someone can offer me some advice as to how to get him to not need to nurse/move to sleep.  Should I just go cold turkey, or should I only let him cry for 10-15min and then give in?  Is there something I can try to replace the nursing with that won't backfire later, or should I just not try to wean him from nursing to sleep right yet, and try to get him to not be rocked?  I also co-sleep, and would like to try and get him into his crib for at least a part of the night… should I wait on that one until after I get him off the sleep aids, or shoudl I tackle the crib first?  I'm so lost lol!

Oh, and yes, I have read the pamphlets for tips to better naps and sleeping through the night… I'm trying!

Well, I guess I'll give in to the nursing for now – poor guy has been crying for about 40min and my heart is breaking because I know how tired he is, yet he can't figure out how to sleep… *sigh*

Thank you for your reply Kimberly.

Yes, I have nursed to just sleepy, then rock/burp, and put him in his crib… this is my usual approach.  Sometimes he's barely got his eyes open, others he's kind of out, but stirrs when I put him down (I'll only rock & pat him for 2-3min, as any longer my back starts to hurt).  80% of the time he will just need a few minutes more of shushing and patting, but will still only nap for 30-40min.  Once he wakes, he wants to either be up, or be nursed/rocked to sleep again.  The other times he will fight sleep outright, and after 1/2hr-45min of nursing, shushing, and rocking, I just can't go anymore and will just have to put him down and go clear my head.  He's not getting anywhere close to the sleep he needs during the day, which from what I have read should be at least around 6hrs/day?  He's averaging maybe 3hrs if I'm/he's lucky.

I don't usually let him cry at all – once in a rare while I will just be so frusterated that I just need some time… CIO is a last resort for when he's older, because I know right now if he's crying, he's not going to put himself to sleep.

We used to use the swing, but I was finding that he seemed to be dependant on it for naps, which was becoming an issue come bedtime.  The jiggly chair is his preffered seat now, but he needs it rocked in order to attain any decent length of sleep, so that means I'm literally stuck in one spot.  I use this in the most desparate of situations (like at 3am this morning, when we had been up since 12:30am…).  I'm just trying to avoid a dependance on movement for rest, but is it acceptable at this age, or am I just going to feed his need for jiggling to the point where it'll be harder to break him of it later?

I can revisit the swaddling idea, but had given it up about a month or so ago because  he was still waking, and would just kick himself free of the blanket.  He's also quite the sweater, and was afraid of him overheating, even with just a onesie on.  It is cooler now though, so it may be alright, I'll give it a try with his next nap.

I have been playing with the wake-to-sleep method, as well as restraining him at about the 30min mark in hopes that he'll not kick himself awake.  Both are hard to keep up with though, since I have to go in every 1/2hr, and is easily forgotten when I'm busy with my 4 year old who wants to play the second he has me to himself. 

I'm just going to try and be persistant with making him not have a sleep aid, and hope that something starts to work here soonly.  I think he'd probably sleep better at night if he could sleep better during the day, which is why I was trying to tackle a bit of both at the same time, but for now I guess I will try and work with making the night sleeping easier on us all, and tinker with the naps later.

A couple more questions though… how many times should he be nursing through the night?  I know all babies are different, but he can go 3-4hrs during the day between feedings, so shouldn't the nighttime ones be a little further apart?  Also, what do you recommend for assisting into subsequent sleep cycles?  He always wakes after the first one, and I'd love for him to be able to make it through at least one more before wakiing.

Thanks again for listening, it really does make a world of a difference when you know that not only are there people out there that can realte, but are willing to talk to you about it.